Arrrrgh

Promise promise to try not to do this often but must have a rant about work today.

I'm busy, busy, busy and struggling to get through all my work.  I've been busy since April and have mentioned it to my boss at each meeting but still the work keeps coming.  I have my clients and when they bring new work its mine regardless of how busy I am.  This isn't great but it would be OK if on top of that they didn't keep giving me more stuff.

We have a stupid workload tracking system, whenever I drop below 100% I say I can take something new.  I sad this in April and got 5 new projects ............... 5, I asked for 1.

There are people at work who have sat at between 50 and 75% capacity for months and they got no new projects.

How is that fair!

On top of that I have been asked to pick up extra stuff over the last few weeks. I have an issue saying no and they know it.  One of the bosses, not my line manager uses this to manipulate me, I know she is doing it.  She asked me to fit some training in this week and I really couldn't.  She made a comment about having to tell the big bosses that it won't be done and hit my guilt gland, before I know it I was agreeing to do the training.  Kicking myself for not standing my ground now.  That said I could kick her for using my weakness against me ........ bitch!

I've told them before that if I get too stressed for long periods it makes me manic, I get major insomnia and eventually I crash into depression.  I've asked them to listen to me when I say I'm busy / stressed because I don't want to get ill again.  It is in their interests too because if I got really bad I could end up off sick.  I don't want a light workload, I'll do my share and probably a bit more but when I say "too much" they should listen.  Last time we went round this cycle I went to HR and the company Doctor to get the department to listen.  Lasted about 8 months now we are going round again.

I have done everything I can to deal with my "mental health issues".  I try really hard to stop it from running my life.  I take drugs everyday and they help me a lot but they are not miracles, you can push me past their ability to help.  I know all the signs of me getting towards either manic or really depressed.  It took a lot of time and hundreds of pounds in therapy to get so I can cope. I have had to change my lifestyle in quite a few ways to focus on balance and calm.  I have to avoid over doing anything but I equally have to avoid falling into a pattern of doing nothing. 

Why would I invest all this time, money and for want of a better description soul searching to throw it all away.  I think work had an obligation to listen to me, I have been honest with them.  I work hard and I am really, really good at my job.  What is the problem with just accepting that I've said I'm busy so they shouldn't give me anything else for a few weeks.  Is that a lot to ask?

I sat in my car this morning and just didn't want to go in.  I finally went in at 9.12, twelve minutes late even though I was in the car park early.  I sat at my desk and looked at my list, unanswered e-mails etc and the thought "I can't do this" sprang into my head.  Luckily I have an on call therapist, I phone Mr Midnite and chatted to him for a while. 

He is pretty much the most chilled out person I have met.  He does get stressed but he kind of puts it away if he can't do anything and stops worrying.  Mr Midnite is big into The Secret and the whole positive thinking and energy thing.  He sort of does it naturally, he is generally a really positive, energetic person.  He is also kind of calm in a energetic way, he moves about a lot but it isn't a stress thing he just dances and drums and keeps moving. 

So after a quick therapy session I faced my pile of work head on with the thought.  I can do this, I'm good at this. I'll prioritise and do the important stuff the rest can wait.

Ohh and I booked next week off, will this help my workload?  No, but it will help meand guess who is most important?  YES  that's right, I am.  It'll all be there when I get back but I hope to be a calmer happier person who can deal with it and most importantly say NO to anything new.

No, just say NO!