Get your thieving hands off our elephant!

It appears England are trying to steal one of Scotland's biggest tourist attractions.  I understand they considered taking Edinburgh Castle (too heavy), Loch Lommond (too wet), Glasgow (too scary), kilts (a wee bit drafty) so they decided on something easier to transport:

Search for England's Loch Ness Monster

I trust you see why they have targeted Nessie.  Very easy to steal, you don't even have to go to Loch Ness to pick her up.   But you see their error, the "Loch Ness" Monster obviously lives in Loch Ness so England can't have a Loch Ness Monster.  The best they can hope for is that Nessie as a fine wee Scottish lassie might head down to England for her holidays. 

But with the options available, cheap flights and all that Nessie would be off to the US to introduce herself to all those Americans whose ancestors she knew.  She might head out to other parts of Scotland to do a bit of Haggis hunting or perhaps nip over to Ireland to visit her pal the giant's causeway.

So what they are really talking about is the creation of the Lake Windermere Monster,a young pretender if you will.  Bonnie Monster Winnie!  Well I don't like their chances, Nessie has been around Loch Ness since 565AD (source) and has built up an extensive record of sightings.  What has this newcomer got, some ripples in the water and the ramblings of a hotel owner.

I suggest the monster hunters of Windermere find themselves their own idea and keep their hands off Scotland's elephant.