This weekend was a waste of make-up

For those of you bored with hearing about my Asbo dogs I thought I would bore you with a post about my weekend.

As the title might suggest it didn't go exactly as planned, it wasn't bad just not as I expected.  This weekend a girl I used to work with and was really good friends with was planning to visit Edinburgh.  We have had some ups and downs but I doubt she has noticed.  She is a very confident but self centered person.  She doesn't seem to get upset by anything and doesn't understand when other people get hurt or annoyed by things she says or does.  We were really good friends for almost a year and used to go out together all the time.  Her boyfriend was away doing a year in the US then, I knew when he came back I would see less of her but in actually fact I saw nothing of her.  She never once called to invite me out once he was back.  If I asked her she would say she was busy with her boyfriend.  We would sometimes end up in the same places and she would chat and want me to dance but I was never invited along.  Not long after he got back I was off work for nine weeks with depression.  She never phoned or even sent a text to see how I was.  So I stopped really counting her as a friend.  Later I would go out with her occasionally if it suited me but didn't worry if she was sitting in on her own.

So she was visiting Edinburgh, she said she couldn't wait to see me and that we would go out on Friday night.  So I dashed home from Asbo rehabilitation to find that Mr Midnite was heading out to an African fund raising event where he'd been asked to play the jembe.  I decided I go with him so I'd be in the city centre when my friend arrived.  Sent a text asking if she was in Edinburgh, she was and said she would text me once she knew where she was going. 

Quick change, favourite dress, bit of cleavage, cute shoes, make-up and hair done in 20 minutes and off we go.  I have to say I was well overdressed for the African fund raiser but I did quite enjoy it.  There was a fantastic group from Zimbabwe playing African instruments, singing and dancing, they were so alive and their enthusiasm was infectious.  After that there was some reading of African poetry by a writer I hadn't heard of, Charles Mungoshi.  I really enjoyed the reading so I've found a couple of short poems to share:

In the wilderness

The torrid silence of the October sun.

Miles upon miles and miles of burnt-out plains.

Suddenly you realise

you are talking loudly to your

shadow.

 

THE MAN WHO RAN AWAY FROM PAIN

He ran away from home

where, he thought, all pain

began.

He went to another country

Where he discovered

the pain of leaving home.

After the reading there was a singer with Mr Midnite playing drums, she asked us to join in but not a chance when it was in Shona.

Left there about 11 no call or text so I headed home with Mr Midnite which was probably more fun anyway.

Saturday I went off to my yoga class with only a tiny bit of foundation on, that was a waste too because it slid off my face during the sun salutation!  The yoga class included a try at doing the king posture, the headstand.  I couldn't do a headstand when I was a kid and unsurprisingly I still can't.  I gave it my best effort and surprised myself by managing to get the top of my back against the wall.  I think the law of gravity dictates that my head should never be asked to support the weight of my ass.  Allegedly you should take the weight in your arms, I need stronger arms.

A call came from my friend, apologies etc.  And a plan to go out around 8 in the evening, she would text me the details.  So at about 7 I get ready, new shoes, cute sandal things, short dress over trousers, hair done, make up on and cute handbag selected.  So I wait for the text, and wait, and wait.  9.45 I take the furry girls out and one of my neighbours is out smoking and we get talking.  He invites me in because they have a few friends in and are having some wine.  There I am once again extremely over dressed for the occasion.  I had a good night catching up on local gossip which includes my asbo dogs.  When I can home I found that my friend had actually called at 11.49, almost 4 hours late.  Needless to say I haven't bothered calling back.

Today has been a lazy one, catching up with my blog reading while cleaning my house, shopping etc.  No make-up required.  Back to dog school and work tomorrow.

The Asbo Fairy Tales

One of the festival shows I fancied was The Asbo Fairy Tales. This was a young theatre group who had re-written classic fairy tales for modern times. They had really really clever ideas, the acting was pretty good but the delivery might have been better if they were a bit more experienced.

Actually my favourite bit was the fairy who came on between tales to do the introductions.  She starts as a nice little fairy with wings, a tutu and a sparkly wand dancing across the stage and stopping a graffiti artist.  Next she is outside a club watching girls come out but the temptation of 2-4-1 cocktails is too much.  Third break she is a very drunk fairy falling out of the club and vomiting in the street then getting picked up by a dodgy looking guy.   Next she is a teenage pregnant fairy have problems dancing with her bump.  Later she is pushing a pram and getting upset when her baby daddy is chatting up other girls.  Final scene a worn looking fairy, pregnant again beats up a new fresh fairy to regain her stage.  No dialogue but really well acted it was very clever.

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Festival Frolics and the parents

The annual invasion of Edinburgh is now well underway. Every August the population of Edinburgh doubles and every spare room, sofa bed and bit of floor is filled with entertainers and tourists. If you go away in August you can pay for your months holiday by renting your home out for bags of cash.

The festival is actually a number of festivals rolled into one, there is the actual Edinburgh International Festival with "the very best in international opera, music, drama and dance". Lovely but much less exciting than the other festivals that run along side. We have the Edinburgh Book Festival ("the largest public celebration of books in the world.") and the Edinburgh festival fringe (widely acknowledged to be the biggest arts festival in the world). Its all very exciting with the main problem how to decide what to go and see.

Every year I have my own personal invasion when my parents visit to do the festival. The length of this visit has gradually stretched from a weekend to its current length of 6 days. It's nice to see them and do some festival things but it puts me under a lot of pressure for a few reasons:

- I am assigned the task of selecting shows from the festival guides. "Find some good shows for us to see".
OK, the fringe guide contains details of thousands of shows all described as the best of the fest. I trawl through this trying to psychically decide which will actually fit my Dad's definition of good. That means comedy, he is a comedy channel addict and uses the festival as an extension of his home viewing, but how do you know which of the many many comedy shows will be a riot and which will be less than a titter?

- I have to find restaurants that serve great food for a low price in Edinburgh city centre during our busiest month.
My parents are fortunate that they have two really good pubs near them that do great food for reasonable prices. Everywhere I take them is either not as good as The BlueBell or too expensive. I hate this bit because I quite enjoy going to nice restaurants but can't take my parents to the places I go because they are too expensive so I end up in places I haven't been before hoping that they are better than average for the price they charge.

- I have to become an unofficial tour guide.
Questions like "What's that building?" "How long will it take to get there?" "Is there a place we can get coffee on the way?" "What are they doing?" And on, and on and on.

But, apart from the pressure to produce a top rate festival experience it is always a good week. This year was no exception although it did have some slightly dodgy moments. Like the show in a massive room with less than 20 people! No guilt here, my dad picked this one.

Onwards to the second night when I had picked Jo Caufield who was pretty funny. She is often on TV but her stand-up is far better than her appearances on quiz shows. Here's a quick Jo clip:


My personal favourites in the comedy shows were Danny Bhoy and Steven Caton. Steven taking about his families reaction to his decision to become a stand up comedian even though he has a degree in architecture. Very funny. Favourite part was his tale about the realisation that his doctor has him registered as a woman. What I can remember it went like this:

Who reads envelopes, even if you do you just assume the Mrs is a typo. So I get a letter from the doctor "Dear Mrs S Caton you are invited to a cervical screening, please attend the surgery at 9.30 on 6 August" Screening = movies, the doctors have invited me to watch a movie about pussy. Cool. So I arrive at the surgery and I'm so excited about seeing the movie that I don't notice the waiting room is full of women. I go to the reception and say "Hi, I'm Steven Caton and I'm here for the cervical screening". The receptionist says what? So, in the manner of the English, I say the same thing louder and slower in case the receptionist is deaf or stupid. "I'm Steven Caton and I am here for the cervical screening". By this time the receptionist is laughing and I turn around to see a room full of women wetting their knickers, laughing and pointing at me.

Funny? Well maybe you had to be there!

We had a miraculous zero arguments. Although the where are we going to eat debates were close. I knew my dad wanted to go to the pub so he could have a couple of pints with lunch but he wouldn't / couldn't just say. The conversation went:

Dad - "Where are we going next?"
Me - "Well it's starting to rain so we could just go and get a drink or some lunch?"
Mum - "I'm quite hungry"
Dad - "OK let's go for lunch where should we go?"
Me - "Well what do you fancy to eat, we can get anything around here"
Dad - "I don't mind, whatever you want."
Me - I live here, I can go anywhere here when ever I like. Is there anything you fancy, Chinese, Indian, mosque food (yum yum), fish and chips, anything?
Dad - "We'll just have whatever you want."
Me - "OK, there is a cafe just over the road they do great food, we'll go there."
Dad - "Ah, do you not fancy a drink."
Me - "no."
Dad - "Well if that's what you want, I just thought you might want to have a drink with lunch."
Me - "We can go to the pub if you want."
Dad - "No that's OK, we can just go to a cafe, I just thought you might want a drink".
Me - "Dad, if you want a drink we can go to the pub over there and have a bar meal."
Dad - "Well, if that's what you want to do we can go to the pub."

That's the edited version, I don't know if it's clear but I didn't really fancy going to a pub. I don't drink much and it would be a really rare experience for me to have wine of something with lunch. My dad just keeps the discussion going until he feels secure in the knowledge that he is doing what you want and it is definitely your choice. Deluded me thinks.
 
Anyway a successful visit to the festival.  Here is another clip to give you a taste, head to 4mins for the bagpipe bit:
 

 
I do have some other festival comments but I have muttered for long enough so will save some for later :0)

The City

There is a city where anything is possible, where people and creatures exist together in a chaos that is approaching harmony. This is a small city but in it you can find everything you need and more.

In the centre of the city is a mountain. It looms over the rest of the city and can be seen from everywhere as a constant reminder of how small we are. The buildings here range in size and shape from the giant stone fortress on top of the dormant volcano to the bamboo and gold structure built to house the city’s insane. There are many stone built buildings that can be gloomy on the dark cloudy days that are usual in this part of the world. The grey is held back by teams of workers who plaster brightly coloured pictures to the walls of the city streets.

This is the birth place of wizards and a place where tales of Africa originate. It has a dark side and many stories of murder have started here. There are vaults underground that were once home to the city’s poor and a hiding place for criminals. Here is the home of grave robbers and the place where plague victims were walled in to die.

But this is the past, now it is the home of entertainment, a place where the unreal can exist for a short time.

On arrival you could be forgiven for thinking that there are only rich people here but soon you will realise that they hide the poor behind the mountain. They let them wander amongst the other inhabitants disguised as dancers and actors, occasionally their bodies are found on the streets but it is passed off as art.

The majority of the inhabitants can be found in the city centre, an area covering about 2 square miles. Here they congregate to socialise with each other.  Exchanging information, watching each other, learning and then taking the stories of this city to all parts of the world. People here will stop you and tell you of their life without hesitation.

The sights and sounds of this city are a combination of cultures from around the world, there is everything here from the Russian ballet to African drumming. Surrounded by the grey buildings and high street shops people dance and tell jokes. Buses pass by as people tightrope across gardens and men walk down busy streets carrying chainsaws.

This is a magical place where fruit walks the streets following the instructions of the fruit controller, the command “stop fruit” causes a pile up as the banana runs into the strawberry.

The crowds stop to allow a corrugated iron creature to pass by, many take pictures and the animal (if that’s what it is) poses with them.

Further up the street a man with a balloon for a head makes his way along the street, another of his kind follows this one with a balloon body.

In this city anything is possible, down the narrow streets the unreal becomes real and your dreams and nightmares can appear in front of your eyes. It is a place of laughter and song.

But, one word of warning to any visitors, don’t mention the trams.