Ghostly Goings On Part III

I used to love horror movies until I started living on my own.  Then I realised that it is far too creepy, the final straw was after watching The Grudge.

I went home feeling a little bit spooked, had a cup of tea and went to bed.  My little dog at the time curled up to go to sleep on the floor next to my bed and I started to drift off to sleep.

Suddenly the furry muppet was in the hallway barking and I was wide awake with my heart pounding in my chest.  Initially I was going to employ the universal defense against spookiness at night and hide under my covers.  But The Grudge had already prepared for this.  In the movie a lady is followed home by the ghostie and hides uses the cover defense, rather shockingly the spirit creeps under her bed cover and drags her to her doom.  So I sat up and put the light on, small and furry returned to her bed and settled down.  I waited for my heart rate to return to normal so I could go back to sleep.

Later when I had gone to sleep muppet got up and headed for the kitchen.  She started another round of furious barking waking me up in a state of heart attack inducing panic.  I was nearly in tears, shaking as the adrenaline surged round my body.  I put the light on and crept out of bed although anyone with ears would have been able to hear my heart banging.  I tip toed through the hall and into the front room, flicked on the light and saw nothing.  Onwards I bravely went towards the kitchen thinking this is the bit in the horror movie where the stupid teen dies horribly.

Once at the kitchen door I flicked that light on to see something a lot like this:

Yes, my cavalier laughing her furry little socks off at the success of her scary story.  I'm sure her cavalier friends all had a laugh when she told them about her clever trick!

PS, That's not Sasha laughing, it is the fabulous, wonderful Looby who I had before Star and Sasha.  A dog renowned for her wicked sense of humour.

Ghostly Goings On Part 1

As we are approaching Halloween I thought I'd run a special series of spooky posts.  Looking back I have had a few interesting, potentially supernatural experiences so I thought I'd share.

The School Ghost

When I was around 9 I think I saw a ghost, I was out riding my bike with a friend, Glen and we saw a man on a horse.  We both stopped and stared for a while because the man had no head. I started to say something about it but Glen interrupted and said "don't say anything."   It wasn't a frightening experience, maybe a bit creepy but the horse and rider passed us just as a normal man on horseback would. 

The Headless Horseman" by Veronica Smith

I know now that near to where I grew up there is a old house, Beamish Hall that supposedly has a number of ghostly residents.  I have stayed there twice and it is a pretty atmospheric place.  I have heard stories that there is a headless horseman as well as the most famous grey lady.

Although Glen didn't want to talk about it I couldn't resist telling my friends at school the following week.  Even at the age I was a story teller! This first story lead to a new game of telling scary stories during break time.  At that age you would be surprised how many horror stories you know, we had ghosts, possessed dolls and mysterious moving objects.  The whole school was sharing ghost stories after a few days.  Even one of the teachers joined in with her ghost story:

Two of the older teachers Miss Bell and Mrs Elwood had been away on a residential teachers training course.  During the night Mrs Elwood told us she woke to see a woman standing by her bed.  She was wearing a nuns habit and Mrs Elwood said she knew it was a ghost although the woman looked real.  She lay watching until the woman left.  The next day she mentioned it to Miss Bell and turned out she had seen it too.  Both were quite scared by the experience.

It seemed that there were ghosts everywhere, the temptation was too much for my young creative mind.

A small group of us decided that the school needed a ghost, so we made one up (I say we, it was my idea).  It wasn't an old school, built in the 70s but for reasons I don't remember we decided that our ghost was a student who killed herself in the toilets at one end of the school.  I'm sure the story wasn't very well thought out but as we were only trying to convince 7 to 10 year olds before the days of Google it didn't need to be.  The story was rolled out one lunchtime and by the following afternoon it had taken on a life of its own.  New details were added, names and reasons for the suicide.  A teacher bullying the student who wasn't very clever. 

The following week two of the girls from the lower class heard something in the toilets.  Another saw a strange girl in the corridor.  Soon the girls were to frightened to use the toilets and the boys from the top class were daring each other to go in alone.  One girl actually fainted in the toilets she was so scared after hearing a noise.

Eventually an assembly was called and the head teacher explained to us all that no one had died in the school and that there was no ghost.  Did anyone believe them, no chance.  This taught me the power of whispered rumours and the weakness of official statements.  The stories continued in to the next year when we were the top class. 

A few years after I'd left school, in my late teens I went to a reunion at my junior school.  I heard some children talking about the ghost, fortunately at some stage the story had evolved and apparently the ghost is just lonely and wants to be friends. 

I guess I should really apologise to the school and teachers for causing lots of problems with my story.  I never meant any harm and it taught me a lot but I suspect it was a bit of a nightmare for the school at the time.

Alternative Perspectives

Something a bit different for my blog today.  A creative writing assignment a friend has to do, I thought I'd give it a go too.  The brief was about half a page but basically it was to take a situation and try to see it from lots of different angles. 

1) Suddenly I understand why they call it your monthly friend. All these years I thought of it as the curse but now I can't wait to see my friend. I can't believe it's late, oh God have I really fucked my life up this time. Well fucked would be the right word. Maybe it's just late, I've got stomach cramps, it will come in a day or two.

Shit, shit,shit. Nothing, friend my ass, this can't be happening, I'm 16. What am I going to do now. I don't even know who to tell.

Thank God, it's here. I'm so relieved, I'm never going to be so stupid again. Just pleased I didn't speak to anyone about it. I would be so embarrassed if they knew what I'd done.

2) Well my life is over, that little blue cross might as well be on my tombstone. What do I do now? I don't even know where to start. A baby, what would I do with a baby? I wanted to go to college, I wanted to get away from here. How do I do that with a baby?

Who can I tell? What do I say? I never thought this would happen to me. I'm not a slut, I don't sleep around, I'm careful. Why did this happen to me? Why won't it just go away? I wish this had never happened. I need to do something but I just want to bury my head under the duvet and never come out.

I can't believe I have to go though this. Hospital appointments, doctors poking about inside me, why can't it just be over so I can get on with my life. Surgery, bleeding and feeling so tired. When will this be over so I get get on with my life?

3) I wait. Every month I wait. It always comes and then every month I cry. Every month I try to face the idea that there is something wrong with me. I see the look in his eyes, I know he would never say anything but he can't hide the look. That hurts too. I've let him down, I'm not right, a failure.

Another month, another failed test. We argue about nothing because we can't mention the problem. I try to be perfect, the perfect wife that everyone thinks I am. But I can't do the one thing the would make everything right. Why is it so important? Because it is what I always wanted. On the streets I see women with huge swollen stomachs, I hate them. I see girls pushing babies in push chairs. I want to grab them and tell them I would be a better mum.

Another month and another. The arguments get worse. I can't be perfect anymore, I'm not perfect, I'm broken. His eyes say all the things that he doesn't, I can't give him what he wants. I can't give myself what I want. Nothing can replace that, there is no substitute. I cry again and secretly hope that next month will be different.

4) I knew you were there, I knew straight away, I could feel you inside. You didn't make me sick or tired, I just knew. I felt different, not bad or good just different. I did the test but I already knew and I was right. I tried to do all the right things, I took the vitamins, I didn't eat this or that and I did everything the doctors and the books suggested. I saw you little tadpole, on the screen, not that I needed to, like I said I knew.

But now you're gone and I feel empty. I didn't know that you could feel this way and still live. I am going on with my life but my heart is breaking with the pain. You won't have a life. Broken heart, I didn't know that feeling bad could give you physical pain. I have cried so much that I feel as though my chest will split and inside they will see my heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

I wonder what you were, a girl or a boy? I think you were a girl but I'll never know because you are gone. I know I thought about how you would change my life and I was scared. But I was excited too, I couldn't wait to meet you and to see who you would be. Now none of this will happen because you're gone and I'm so very very sad.

5) Pregnant?  How did that happen?  I never thought it would happen to me.  Somewhere inside of me a tiny someone is growing.  Couldn't hold in the excitement and told him, I don't think he knows what to do with this.  I don't know what I expected, maybe I never even thought about it.

Another rejection, my family.  They say to get rid of it, that would be best. They say I can't handle it and that I would ruin my my life.  He says he doesn't want this either.  I don't know what to do now.  I think I could do it with some support but no one wants to help me.  I feel more alone now than I have ever been before.  Funny when I am not even alone in my own body.

No one wants me to do this but I don't want to hurt you.  I'm worried that if I do this on my own I will end up hurting you anyway.   I'm scared of you.  I'm scared of myself.  I wish I had someone to talk to but they all say the same and that doesn't help.  Negativity, am I hurting you already with these thoughts.  I'm sorry.  I can't hurt you but I can't keep you.

6) It's time to come out now little lady, we've waited long enough to meet you.  My body is battered from the effort of growing you.  I'm uncomfortable, and really want coffee, cheese and a gin and tonic. 

You're here!  I can't believe after all this time I am holding you and looking into you perfect pink face.  You are kind of wrinkled but perfect.  I look at him, your daddy and see the expression of amazement on his face.  We made this and she's perfect. 

Life will never be the same again for us.  From now there will be you to love and protect, you to watch grow and change.  I can't really believe you are here, it seems like a dream.  Maybe that is why I can't stop looking at you.  Now I understand.

Danilo Lex - Woman Spirits - Three