Snow Guilt

I worked from home today.  The weather is still bad, we had about 8 hours of snow today causing traffic chaos.  I didn't know this was going to happen yesterday when I made the work decision.  I was waiting for someone to come and look at my broken car.  It seemed like a good reason to work from home, I have remote access and an evil Blackberry to ensure I can work from anywhere in the world. 

But, I felt guilty because I stayed home.   I live close to work and can get in on the bus.  But equally I can do my job from home.  I felt so guilty I cried.  I was sitting thinking everyone would hate me because I stayed home.  They will all be talking about me.

Around this time I realised I am slipping into depression.  I felt low yesterday and thinking about it there is a definite trend.  I think that explains why I have felt so rubbish recently.  I had flu and have felt bad since.  It's probably because of the time I spent on my own when I was feeling ill, not getting out enough added to the dark gloomy days and you have the ideal growing conditions for a dose of depression.

So to be aware of this is to be armed.  I will fight it, the gloom will not win.  Will get my depression beating stick out of the cupboard and knock this winter depression on the head, after all there is a lot of winter to go.


#1Nana said...

I hope you can stall the downward slide. Depression is such a sneaky bastard...fight, fight, fight!

Just Plain Tired said...

This time of year can be depressing indeed. I wouldn't worry what other people think about you staying home though. If I could work from home I'd do it in a heartbeat.

klahanie said...

I'm so glad to know that you will not let your depression overwhelm you. I hope that by verbalising your thoughts, it brings you a sense of comfort. Positive distractions can be so vital during those times of darkness.
For what it's worth, I send you a virtual hug and a smile.
In kindness and warm wishes, your way, Gary:-)

Mustang Sally said...

Got an extra one of them sticks?

Feora's Fire said...

Dont be so hard on yourself... your working!! There are people that wont get out and do anything!! Even while at home..

Go outside and find a bird.. just sit and watch.. or just watch out the window if its to cold.. All that bird is worried about is finding food and getting through today.. No regrets of yesterday, no tomorow worries.. no job, bills, no things to fill time away. Just that bird, the sky, the ground and the branch he perches on... Think about the things he does.. how care free.. it doesnt happen right away... but just get caught up in that one bird, that one little life.. The kind of life that has not changed with the rest of us and we live right by it everyday without notice.. Feel your stress and worries just slide away and enjoy the simple thoughts of a little one that has no idea your world even exists.. only that you do in it..

Mrs Midnite said...

Thanks for your comments everyone.

Nana you are right, it sneaks up on you noticing it is part of the battle for me.

Gary, I hope so, at least once I realise I can try to do something, I need to force myself to get out more and fight the urge to just stay under the covers.

Sally, it's not a special stick, any will do. I just like to visualise it as something I can physically beat. It is such an invisable thing to fight its all done in your own head but having an image was something someone suggested not sure it worksbut I'll give anything a go.

JPT - winter is always hard although bright days with clean white snow help. I guess you can't work from home but if you did where would you get your blog material?

Feora thank you, interesting idea, I'll give it a go if any birds are brave enough to come out in the sub zero temperatures.

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30 something female, GSOH, independent, unreliable, seeks sanity. Must like dogs and handbags!