You know at work (or in school) you get groups of people. You get the popular group, the swotty group, the nerd group, the always out group etc etc.
See how it sounds like school but it still happens when you are the far side of mid 30s and supposedly professional.
Well tonight is a leaving do for one of the popular kids. I'm not one of them. Apparently I can be difficult to get along with. This is a fair point, I have mood swings, I'm unstable and can be a very different person depending on which side of the pole my moods are on any given day. Thing is I'm not horrible, I always try to be nice to people and largely try not to bitch (hard thought this can be), I can be funny and entertaining, I can be depressed or hyperactive irritating. Hey hoo that's the breaks.
I'm lucky in that I have great friends who I love to teeny tiny bits. I have some good friends at work too but at work there are people who don't really seem to like me much. It doesn't really bother me, except for the paranoia debate. Am I just paranoid or do they really not like me? Who cares?
As my therapist says "What people think of you is none of your business." I like me, I'm happy to be me.
But back to the leaving do. Today there is only about 50% of the department in, they have all gone to the pub for lunch but didn't ask me. They are not particularly my friends, not that I don't like them or anything we are just part of different groups. But if one of them was in on their own and I had lunch plans I would have invited them. It's the polite, friendly thing to do.
So tonight the leaving do will be largely these people and my paranoia is creeping in telling me not to go, they don't like me.
I'm driving Mr Midnite later tonight and then we are thinking of going for a dance but I had planned to go to the leaving do first. Now I just don't feel welcome. Can't decide if this is paranoia or just intuition, can anyone spot the difference?
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